June 2010
1 post
Anonymous asked: Is it wrong to eat fourings with a three-pronged fork?
Are there any other fourings faux-pas?
Are there any other fourings faux-pas?
May 2010
1 post
howabouthatoodle-loo asked: i have this problem where i look at the clock and it's 3:55, look down, and when i remember to look back up at the clock, it's 5:01. i've missed fourings completely. how do i make sure i never miss a fourings ever again?
April 2010
2 posts
1 tag
Q: I'm inviting the girls over for a fourings of...
A: There is no better fourings flower than the Mirabilis jalapa. It is known colloquially as the four o’ clock flower because that is the time when it is said to open and produce its sweet-smelling fragrance. Imagine an exquisite pink blossom opening up just as one of the girls knocks back a shrimp! How delightful.
Also beneficial is that the flower is a powerful purgative. So if you...
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Q: My boss only gives me a five minute break at...
A: Fourings is not just about food, it’s also about camaraderie. Noshing a Charleston Chew™ by yourself next to dirty mops is not really in the spirit of this time-honored meal. Therefore, You may be able to solve both your problems in this manner:
Invite your boss to accompany you to the utility closet.
From your knapsack, pull out a 2 foot salami, some Grey Poupon™ mustard, and a box of...
March 2010
5 posts
1 tag
Q: I am a Breatharian who subsists solely on fresh...
A: You might take pleasure in the following smells:
kerosene
muskrat
petunia extract
and the following sounds:
fanning the pages of a phone book
a toilet flush
a dog’s squeak toy
JUST KNOW THIS HOWEVER: at four in the afternoon, me and Gloria Estefan and certain ‘N SYNC bandmembers are going to get together for a little informal jam sesh with clams casino and sweet potato pies...
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Fourings Advisory Bulletin
If you live in the United States, you will be advancing your clocks this Sunday by 1 hour in observance of daylight savings time.
DO NOT FORGET that this means that your body will naturally want its fourings at three in the afternoon for the first few days this week. Please do not give in to the urge—after all, a small meal enjoyed at three in the afternoon is not fourings, it is something...
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Q: I think that I saw John Elway enjoying fourings...
A: Even though fourings is a meal by the people, for the people, several celebrities have recently been caught in the paparazzi’s lenses enjoying fourings. To name a few:
Gloria Estefan was seen in a posh Cleveland neighborhood chowing down on egg rolls at 4 in the afternoon.
One of the members of ‘N Sync that nobody cares about reportedly ate a soft taco at around 4:00 last...
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Q: Have you heard of tiffin, which is similar to...
A: Firstly, as far as we are concerned, there are no other meals or meal times. Were some omnipotent demigod to force you to enjoy only a single meal each day, your best option would be to select fourings. If you select breakfast, you would eventually starve. If you select dinner, you would grow unhealthy. If you select tiffin, you would die of embarrassment.
Secondly, fourings comes from a...
January 2010
5 posts
1 tag
Q: My restaurant or pub would like to offer a...
A: Fourings is a movement by the people, for the people. If paperwork and worrying about proper licensing is your thing, then maybe fourings is not for your establishment after all.
1 tag
Q: What is the correct plural of fourings?
A: The proper plural of fourings is fouringses. It is pronounced /ˈfɔrɪŋsɪz/.
Q: What foods were on the early fourings menus?...
A: Not a chance! Fourings back in the day was as totally rad as fourings is today. An 1813 Cantabrigian fourings menu lists, “1 pint of strong beer, bread and cheese.”¹ Fancy that—fourings has not changed much in the intervening 200 years!
Going even further back to the 1300s, we find that during harvest time, field laborers were given the following whacked-out victuals for their...
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Q: What is the ultimate day to enjoy fourings?
A: Our ancestors enjoyed fouringses during harvest time, though in the modern era fouringses are enjoyed 365 days of the year (and 366 on leap years). This said, the ultimate day for fourings is April 4th. Fourings on this day is known as four-four-fourings. This is pronounced the way Oprah would pronounce POW-POW-POWERWHEELS.
December 2009
24 posts
1 tag
Q: I would like to promote fourings in my rap...
A: The only word that rhymes with fourings is iron-corings. Think of all the possibilities!
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This Just In: Fourings in Definition-Of
Fourings has infiltrated another online dictionary. This time the breech was into Definition-Of.com, a community dictionary with a social bent.
It may delight you to know that for every two definitions approved by Definition-Of, the proprietor of the website has pledged to donate a school lunch to in-need children across the globe. Thus, a lucky kid somewhere will be enjoying his or her own...
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Q: Could fourings be "beverage only"?
A: It’s a more complicated question than you might imagine. The short answer is, of course, no. But consider this conundrum: imagine that your daily fourings consists of a mug of tea and a couple of butter biscuits. Possibly a blueberry yoghurt if the fridge allows it. Now picture what might sadly be a biweekly occurrence: no biscuits. No yoghurt. And yet tea is drawn at the customary 4th...
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Q: I'm texting my girl right now and inviting her...
A: It is perfectly fine to abbreviate fourings as 4ings but only AFTER the first mention. Something like this would work well:
HEY FLY BABY! WANNA HAVE FOURINGS AT MY PLACE? IM MAKING KIELBASA 4INGS THAT WILL DEF MAKE U WET. LOL.
1 tag
Q: Could one drop the "g" in "fourings" so that it...
A: We do not recommend the “g” in “fourings” be dropped, no matter how fond of our memories of eating at the old Cracker Barrel out off the Interstate with Granddad and Uncle Wade we may be. Dropping the “g” leaves the word vulnerable for use in dubious phrases such as “a mess o’ fourin’s”, or “whole heapin’ helpin’...
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Q: Which U.S. legislators should I write letters...
A: Rep. Collin C. Peterson (D-MN), chair of the House Committee on Agriculture, or vice chairman Rep. Tim Holden (D-PA). More specifically, Rep. Joe Baca (D-CA) chairs the Subcommittee on Department Operations, Oversight, Nutrition, and Forestry, and may be a good resource for helping establish fourings’ nutritional importance, or advice on finding nice wooded areas that one might utilize...
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Q: You know what words with the word "four" in...
A: Well, um, yes, that could be. Perhaps this knowledge could have applications in regards to promoting fourings in certain quadrants of the Upper Midwest.
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Q: You said that fourings comes from the mediæval...
A: H.E. Hallam answers your question (using historiography argot) in the enthralling book, The Agrarian History of England and Wales, Volume 2 (1989).
A peasant diary from the thirteenth century or a peasant family’s correspondence from the twelfth century would be worth all the Pipe Rolls and Curia Regis Rolls in the Public Record Office, but, by the nature of things, such luxuries cannot...
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This Just In: Fourings in Wiktionary
The people’s meal is now listed in the people’s dictionary! Fourings, its definition, its pronunciations (both U.S. and R.P.), its etymology, and its synonyms have their own beefy entry on Wiktionary.org. Check it out (and feel free to turbo charge it if you wanna).
3 tags
1 tag
Q: Can my dog Sparky enjoy fourings or is it for...
A: Just as fourings is for all people, it is also for all species. Roasted sunchokes and squash blossoms make for an excellent canine fourings, especially if Sparky is a vegan.
1 tag
Q: My friend Miguel said that fourings is whack....
A: We totally thought that Miguel was simpatico with fourings, but it sounds like he’s talking smack behind our backs. Next time you see Miguel, tell him that we would like our Sega Genesis games back.
1 tag
Q: Does my scrounging for Maui wowie and glazed...
A: The fourings movement is looking to gain legitimacy and your stoner musings are doing little to help the cause. Smokin’ up and throwing back balls of fried dough around 4 o’clock every afternoon does not count as fourings. [DISCLAIMER: By reading further, you agree that you are not a law enforcement official]. Far out, Cheech! Smokin’ up and throwing back balls of fried...
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Q: I would like to start a meal called threeings...
A: That is an awful idea, pipsqueak. This FAQ is for serious questions only.
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Q: I have already incorporated fourings into my...
A: That is outside the scope of this very narrow site. This said, here are a few very worthy options:
faff • to move violently famble • to stutter, or murmur inarticulately fash • 1) trouble; care; anxiety; fatigue. 2) The tops of turnips featlet • four pounds of butter feer • to run a little way back for the better advantage of leaping forwards ferly • wonderfully strange flantum flatherum...
Jim Norton on fourings.
I thought now might be the time to nail down some specifics. To that end, I have consulted with J.R. Norton, the editor-in-chief of the Heavy Table, the Upper Midwest’s premier online food and drink magazine. I asked Mr. Norton what he might suggest in the way of a sample fourings spread, and the intrepid journalist sent the following reply:
Before setting out to offer a sample Fourings spread,...
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Q: Is fourings one of those "-ing" nouns that are...
A: You must be referring to this list. The short is is no. The long answer is that fourings does not end in “ing”, it ends in “ings”.
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Q: This fourings site is dope. How did it come to...
A: This site is a matryoshka doll of a series within a series within a series within a series. It is a mise en abîme device designed to get you to enjoy an occasional small meal with friends at 4 o’clock.
1 tag
Proletarian High Tea
Are you near other people right now? If you are, look around you – what do you see? What are your fellow human beings up to? They’re eating, that’s what. They’re eating all the time, even when it’s not lunch or dinner. People are continuously eating all kinds of corn syrup-blasted garbage. You may even be eating some yourself right now.
Far it be it from me to lecture on nutrition (I am currently...